


lolipop

by iphis17



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: F/M, Gratuitous Lolita References, Not to be taken seriously, Parody, ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-04
Updated: 2011-12-04
Packaged: 2017-11-20 23:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/590820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iphis17/pseuds/iphis17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Valkyrie crying out of her love for Skulduggery and then they kiss and say that they'll love each other and then the last line of the story is how it'll be forever and always and crap.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lolipop

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NerdySkeleton](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=NerdySkeleton).



> Written on the fourth day of December in the year 2011.

"OHMYFRICKINGOD, SKULDUGGERY, I AM ACTUALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU." Valkyrie's tone is emphatic, her eyes wide and crazed in a manner that is completely and totally realistic and in-character.

"Well you see Valkyrie the issue with that is that I am still in love with my wife who has been totally like you know dead for the last few centuries and much like Bella Swan I never get over being in love. Because you know Twilight is the epitome of literature and a fine commentary on human nature. And I absolutely do talk like a Valley girl with Tourette's and a fake English accent even though I'm an Irish man."

"WHAT? BUT NO, YOU HAVE TO LOVE ME, BECAUSE I AM INDIVIDUALISTIC AND WONDERFUL AND DRESS EDGILY. I AM A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE."

"You also apparently have a verbal tic that forces you to constantly scream."

"WHAT? NO, THIS IS NORMAL SPEECH. OHLOLWAIT I LEFT THE CAPSLOCK ON HAHA. THAT'S TOTALLY UNINTENTIONAL, BUT SINCE I STARTED LIKE THIS I MIGHT AS WELL PRETEND IT WAS STYLISTIC, CAUSE IT WILL MAKE ME ALL SPESHUL AND KWL."

"Oh bloody Hell…"

"SO. SKUL. SKUL. SKULLEH. GUESS WHAT, SKUL."

"What?"

"I AM TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH YOU." Valkyrie blinks away happy tears and sniffs affectedly.

"But Valkyrie I can't be with you because you're too good for me because you're a perfect role model for girls because you know killing the guy you were cheating on your boyfriend with is totally great. And you're just too perfect. And you're a little kid."

"IT'S OKAY, I'M OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS, AND I'LL CONDESCEND TO BEING WITH SOMEONE LIKE YOU BECAUSE I THINK YOU'RE TOTALLY AWESOME. I HAVE SINCE I WAS TWELVE. WHICH IS WHY I FOLLOW YOU AROUND."

"Oh, Valkyrie, really? You have inspired me to use commas! And exclamation marks! You are my life and my love and my muse! Light of my life, fire of my nonexistent loins, my sin, my soul!"

"OHMYGOD YOU COMPARED US TO THE GREATEST PAEDOPHILIC COUPLE OF ALL TIME! THAT IS SO ROMANTIC!" She flings herself into his arms and kisses his nonexistent lips and they will together be forever just like Humbert Humbert and his Dolly, because she totally didn't end up dead or anything.

Yeah.


End file.
